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Jay Wilkinson is the guest on KFOR-TV's "Flashpoint" with Kelly Ogle, Kirk Humphreys and Mike Turpen.  In segment two of Jay's appearance, he talks about his book, "Dear Jay, Love Dad: Bud Wilkinson's Letters to His Son"

Legendary coach’s son reflects on his father’s correspondence
Jay Wilkinson, author of the book “Dear Jay, Love Dad,”

BY CARLA HINTON | Published: June 16, 2012
From The Daily Oklahoman and NewsOK.com

“Above all things, Dad encouraged me always to do what seemed right. Only by doing so, he said, could a person possess true peace of mind.”
— Jay Wilkinson in “Dear Jay, Love Dad”

As Father’s Day approaches on Sunday, Jay Wilkinson recently reflected on his famous dad, legendary University of Oklahoma football coach Bud Wilkinson.

Jay Wilkinson, a motivational speaker who lives in Nichols Hills, said his father communicated with him through letters when they were apart. He said he found one of his dad’s letters and read a portion during a speaking engagement several years ago. It prompted him to search for more of his father’s letters.

The 13 letters he found provide the premise for “Dear Jay, Love Dad: Bud Wilkinson’s Letters to His Son” (University of Oklahoma Press, $24.95). In the book, Wilkinson shares his father’s letters and wisdom and also gives his own perspective about the correspondence and life in between. Bud Wilkinson coached the OU Sooners from 1947-63. He died in 1994.

Jay Wilkinson, 70, said he likes to talk about his dad and the older man’s letters because they have a lot to say to today’s fathers, mothers, sons and daughters.

Wilkinson recently shed light on his father and the letters that reflected the loving bond between a dad and son.

Q: What made you decide to write “Dear Jay, Love Dad”?

A: About three years ago, I was asked to deliver a keynote address when the Bud Wilkinson Events Center opened at the Oklahoma Sports Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City. I read one of my father’s letters as part of the talk. It was a very interesting concept because I could see that the letters contained remarkable insights about many things: positive reinforcement, parenting, leadership, values, ethics and communication. It was the first time in a long time that I had reread the letters. I think I lost more than I kept. We were exchanging letters on a weekly basis.

Q: What did the letters mean to you?

A: The big takeaway for me was that, here was a father who was very busy still taking the time to write and encourage a son with love and encouragement. Letter writing is a lost art. I have four children, and people ask me, “Did you do that?” and I say “No.” He was not only my father but a very close friend, and I value his judgment. I observed his leadership qualities over the years and I knew intuitively that this was one of my great resources. I benefited from his perspective.

Q: In what specific ways did your dad try to encourage you through his letters?

A: They gave me a great deal of positive reinforcement. My older brother Pat went to Stanford, and I ended up going to Duke. We were called “Bud’s boys.” I was 5 when my father became OU’s head coach. All those great OU athletes were my heroes. I wanted to play football at OU. Because he was such an iconic figure, he felt I should go away (and play football). He said the decision was mine, though. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. I thought the OU team was doing great without me (Wilkinson’s Sooners won 47 straight games between 1953 and 1957) so I went to Duke, but they did things very different from OU. When I was at Duke, my father encouraged me to study and learn from what they were doing. What he told me is shared in the first letter of the book: “When any person leaves a pleasant situation to enter the ‘unknown,’ there is always the realization of how nice, good and comfortable things were before. Yet only by facing the future and accepting new and progressively more difficult challenges are we able to grow, develop and avoid stagnation.”

Q: Some of the letters explore religion. In one, your father writes: “Any break with the comfort of tradition is seldom popular — yet it is the only way we reach nearer to God. The search for God, I believe, is the search for truth because God is the truth.” Can you talk about your father’s philosophy on religion?

A: The letters offer a six-year snapshot, from 1960 to 1966. The last two years of that time, I was in theological school (Episcopal Theological School in Cambridge, Mass.), a seminary affiliate of Harvard. My father grew up Episcopalian. He had a belief that our nation’s Christian faith had a lot to do with our growth as a nation. He felt that faith really gave people a stronger power and energy to transform their lives in a way that they could not do on their own.

Q: You say your father’s letters also convey other things. What about parenting?

A: Well, he gave unconditional love, and I encourage other parents to do the same with their children. In one of his letters, he said, “Always remember that I believe in you no matter what.”

My father, by his nature, was very soft-spoken. As a parent, you have to have discipline and you have to have respect. Respect is earned. He led by example. I think that’s what made him a great football coach.

Q: Can you talk about how your dad seemed to handle his unsuccessful bid for Congress in 1964, and what his letters at that time taught you?

A: It was a tremendous disappointment to him. I think he showed grace and humility by accepting defeat. He lost his mother at the young age of 7 and he learned from his father and aunt and uncle that when we encounter disappointments or tragedy, that we must look forward and we must move forward. And that’s what he did. In January 1965, he was asked to be a sports commentator at the Orange Bowl. Two of his favorite coaches at Alabama and Texas would be there, and he decided to do it. That started a 20-year TV career. This kept him close to the game he loved and a lot of people got to know him better as a football commentator than as a football coach.

Q: You have something to share this Father’s Day. What is it?

A: I encourage people to write letters to their dads, granddads and uncles. This also can apply to moms, too. Take the time to write and tell them that you love them and that you benefit from their perspective.